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Color-Coordinated Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster on cell: Drunk dialing is the new black. Fuck you. Happy new year. –House Party, Lorimer St Overheard by: confabulation Nation Redhead to friend: I swear we always have orange animals and...

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…Wait– Was That a Sex Joke?

(back door opens and closes, then the bus starts moving)Obnoxious Hispanic Emo girl: Back doooor! Back doooor!Bus driver: What the fuck!? Speak up, I don’t have all day!Obnoxious girl: Back dooooor!Bus...

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Not Until You Stop Killing Cactuses

Boyfriend: We are not getting a Down's Syndrome pet!Girlfriend: What?Boyfriend: You know, a pet you buy when you're down. We're not getting one!Girlfriend: But I feel vulnerable and want to exert my...

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More Deli Fun

Deli guy: Yo Susan, how’s life treating you? Customer: Bad. I need an new life. Deli guy: Your life’s almost over and you need a new one? –Bensonhurst

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And Every Cow Has Its Own Udders, Y’know?

Sad, sober friend: I just really miss her, I guess.Drunk friend: There’s no color the sky can’t be at any given time. Remember that! –E 11th & 2nd

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Dude, Your Pimp Hand is Mad Weak

Crying woman: You fucked her and then you fucked me. Man: But baby, I knew it was wrong at the time! –Central Park South Overheard by: Lily

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Today, My Son, You Are a New Yorker.

Dad to four-year-old son: Okay, this is our stop.Four-year-old son: I hate life.Dad: What?Four-year-old son: I hate life. –1 Train Overheard by: RAF

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Someone Who Looked into the Abyss of What American Apparel Had to Offer

Chick #1: What’d you do today?Chick #2: Contemplated suicide.Chick #1: Who are you? –American Apparel, Houston St

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All the World’s a Wednesday and the People Merely One-Liners

Loud angsty teen boy: My life is a tragedy and I’m only in act two! –LaGuardia High School Overheard by: He’s no Shakespeare… Actor: I almost woke up dead this morning. But I don’t have an understudy....

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I Always Spin a 2, Never Get the Blue Car, and My Peg Always Falls Out.

Hipster: Life is so… boring to me. –Outside trendy hipster bar Overheard by: J. Corner Headline by: RL Runners-Up:· “God: Well, You See Jesus, I’m Kinda Glad You Said That Because…” – Sizzle·...

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